I am not "Special". People all over the world are traumatized in one way or another every day. However, the details of my experience are the only ones I can examine in minute detail, and I find it fascinating.

          I've always been an "Observer". I'm curious about the world around me, always trying to understand it. I know I can never have all the answers, but the journey of discovery intrigues me. In the case of my burns, my life's path has been altered in many ways, and I'm learning a lot by stepping back and watching. Here was an opportunity to really get to know myself. How many other people have been offered that opportunity?

          I have been asked if the experience has changed me. I don't view it as having changed me. Rather I see that I have had to change the way I do things, see things, and feel things. The core of who I am remains the same. The strength of that core has certainly been put to the test. So far, I think I passed.

          It's funny how people always view my burn as the very worst thing that could ever happen. Yes, the experience was very painful, but I also see the good that came from it. Not that it was a great experience, but every thing has a positive and a negative side. I'm not religious, rather my spirituality focuses on Balance. The harmony of Yin/Yang, Life/Death, Joy/Sorrow, Sweet/Sour etc. etc. Everywhere I look I see a need to find balance. To avoid looking at both sides would blind me to half of the world.

          If you offered me the chance to go back, and have the fire not happen, I would have to think long and hard. I really don't know what I would choose. A part of me daydreams that all would be wonderful if only......... On the other hand, I would not be the person I am right now, and I LIKE me! Ideally I would be a Creative, Intelligent, Handsome, Sensitive, Well Built, Secure, Wealthy, and Famous person. Hey! Talk about Day Dreams! :)

          A recent inquiry about humor as a tool for recovery came to me. It got me to thinking about this subject for the first time.

          I first started by thinking about humor as an implement... a tool that people could use to alleviate the pain. There is something uncomfortable to me about the practice of just "Joking" about ones tragedy to find recovery. I see a danger that, if one is doing so to avoid looking at uncomfortable feelings, those feeling never get resolved.
          Then I started wondering if humor was used as a tool for recovery, or just inherent in those who find success in their emotional journey through tragedy? Does showing people the humor in their adversity help them heal, or does helping them heal bring out the humor?
          I think that in order to see the humor in such situations, one has to step outside oneself and look back. It seems to me the same thing applies to dealing with all the emotions that surround any sort of devastating changes. That is...Those who have, or somehow acquire, the ability to identify and access their emotions, for the purpose of coming to terms with them, will also see the humor in the circumstances.
          Before I can joke about my experience, I first have to find some level of comfort within myself, and that requires me to know myself. When I acknowledge my fears, anxieties, insecurities, and frustrations, then I can do something about it, and then chuckle over the humorous aspects. If I try to stuff away those emotions, and deny that they exist, then I would also deny the existence of humor. In fact it would be imperative that I ignore the humor because laughing at myself would only increase the insecurity.
          Let me give you one example. As a result of my burns, I have some scarring on my corneas, so it takes me longer to read printed material. That meant, when I first got back to driving after the fire, I had difficulty reading road signs. Whenever I went somewhere that was unfamiliar, I could sometimes only read the exit sign after it was too late to safely take the exit. This meant I had to go to the next exit, turn around, and get back to the proper exit. This was very frustrating. It wasn't until I realized that I was frustrated because I couldn't do something the same as I could before, that I could get comfortable with this fact.
          Well, on my first long trip, I did this 4 or 5 times. I found it hilarious. Imagine watching me from above driving down the road, getting off at an exit, going back to the previous exit and continuing on, repeating this over and over again all the way to Philadelphia. How absurd! The thought is just as funny now...I'll bet you're chuckling to yourself right now. Yes?
          Hmmmm....For a topic on humor, this has certainly been a "Serious" letter. I suppose they are two sides of the same coin. Humor can be a very serious subject!
          You have probably realized by now that I embrace life in it's totality, that is the "Balance" I speak of. Accepting the pleasant and unpleasant, serious and humorous, troubling and comforting aspects of life, is the only way I know to truly live. When I find that balance, I find peace. I take no credit for this ability, but I do believe I was born with it. Although I have sometimes strayed from this path, and occasionally lost sight of this course, I have always found my way back, and generally been served well by it.
          I would guess that people could be taught to overcome their fears and unlock the doors that keep them from seeing the humor in what otherwise might have left them withdrawn and disabled. Good counseling, healthy surroundings, loving acquaintances, and admiration for oneself could go a long way to bringing joy into the lives of all people whether or not they have been traumatized.
          I like to think, I like to talk, I like to write, and I like to create. Now that I have bent your ear for longer than you might have expected, I hope that my words can be of some use. If I have bored you, be kind and don't let me know. If you should ask for more of my "Pronouncements", be careful, you may get more than you ask for. *chuckle* If I have helped you, I am pleased.